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17 June 2016 @ 12:29 pm
so stupid me got on the gear wens i think it was... and kept going till sunday. mark lost his shit at me about it :(. i made so much effort to talk to everyone and be nice but i did struggle alot with my jealousy which cause some grief but i am glad after the weekend he talked to levi n amanda n i think he relies i really did try. drazic had a great time we played basketball and dug up dirt, mark was really good to me and i helped levi tow josh's bike back after it had broken down :)

saw my mum a couple times, she came over and i think she's at the point of wanting to change n get her family back. i want to be there for her. and tues night ann and nan came over and we had ann's thai green curry i really enjoyed having them over we watched 27 dresses.

wens i took prince to dog training he likes the cheese im using as treats a lil to much... he saw his huskey mate but latte wasn't there nor was macy and gunilla.

mark is trying to help his friend nat with luke cause he's going thru shit. mark is a great mate to have, he really tries to help ppl. i love mark he goes above and beyond at times.
Current Location: work
05 June 2016 @ 02:42 pm
got stoned with mark last night after finally getting drazic to bed at like midnight. the next morning we fucked but i dunno sex lately isnt doing it for me.... clean abit of marks place cause his land lord was coming over today. drazic is a sweetie mark got him saying mama :) mark was such a sweet heart he drove down to coles but they were closed so he got me and drazic a savory roll from bakers delight, it was yummy! then i went to work which is where im atm. im so touchy atm i dunno why i cry over little things, just crying over all the hurt in the world... hopefully it will settle down... been a tad anxious to which is distressing.

tonight.... i may work or.... go home maybe pop in and see a friend for an hour...
Current Location: work
Current Mood: emotional
04 June 2016 @ 04:48 pm
so... like always it's been awhile.

i will start with today and then try to recap some dots points since my last entry.

so today i woke up in a good mood, sarcha got to sleep on the bed last night and prince slept in the crate in the lounge. mark called n so i packed some bits n pieces went to his n gave him hugs and give drazic some hugs and attention. i then went to work at jasmin's cherrie was reception so that was nice had some steak n cupcakes talked to hunter she's going to give me some pineapple express weed as she is collecting different types atm. then at 4:10 headed over to purrfections as i need to make money to give to mark for drazic;s assessment and kindy enrolement.

so what else... i been to dublin twice the first time with drazic, levi, mark and amanda and the following time was just me mark and drazic. i got to go on marks pittbike the first time n he took me for a ride and gave me a shot on my own he was so worried about me.

Nathan's funeral was.. well what can u say :( it was a sad day.

trip to melb with beck n yasmin was amazing loved it!! did heaps of shopping and sat night went partying.

havent talked to damien much but i also touch a small amount of gear (a couple tokes oneday) in 5wks so amazing :) but weed has become a problem again and is causing trouble.
Current Location: work
19 April 2016 @ 03:10 pm
many regrets there have been many posts i should have done but alas.

so here i am posting this.....

About to head off to the hospital again.. Doctors still have no idea what is happening with Nathan, he has had 2 spinal taps, brain scan, ultra sound, MRI and hundreds of blood tests. Bloods have been sent to overseas specialtists which hopefully we may get results back today. Another brain scan today. They have managed to stop the body convulsing with 7 meds (one they haven't used for a few years now, but it appears to work on him). The brain scan today is to see if the brain is still seizing and we cant see that. Nathan has pneumonia now and with the amount of medication he is on it is overloading his Kidneys, so yesterday he was put on dialysis to flush them and assist the kidneys to work. Still in induced coma, no changes overnight. Thank you again for all your thoughts, love, messages and calls, I'm sorry if I dont call you back and sometimes my messages are short. You are still welcome to send me messages, it is easier to update here with the amount of people asking for Nathan.

Today is a very sad day. I have lost my best friend of 6 years Nathan Dixon. I will always cherish the time we spent together , We lived together for 3 years and it was honestly the best time of my life. There are so many wonderful memories.You are truley one of a kind and i will miss you dearly forever. Love ya mate!!! RIP oxoxoxo DAIMONDS!!!! All my thoughts and love to Marianne Dixon and his family xoxo

taken to soon
16/09/1985 - 18/04/2016

so nathan has passed away... i went to the beach with prince today, just trying to process it all....
Current Location: home (micks)
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: killswitch engage-always
22 January 2016 @ 06:37 pm
so today i went to damien's since mark again denied my time with our son. only to find that damien had been arrested a few days before. he owes the goverment $43 grand or so in fines.

so chillin at home with a beer and trying to remain positive. actually i got my drug test back and im negative for anything yayayayay!!! so wish i had a person to write what i say cause i cant be bother writing about things hmmm oh i am back in DBT which is already helping.
Current Location: home (micks)
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
09 January 2016 @ 04:13 pm
so the sofa is closing down at the end of the month and i will be going with some of the other girls to work for jade and i also have a new massage job with meaka.

got my car fixed yesterday after i had blown up the radiator cost me $375. mark invited me to breakky/lunch he paid and we took drazic to target and mark brought him new shoes and later that day mark invited me to have dinner with him and drazic and gave me two ds games his mum gave him and saw drazic's first one is called George. drazic got a massive blood nose somehow :( he ended up falling asleep in my arms while i was holding a towel to his lil nose so mark n i let him lie on the conch while mark n i went off to have sex, mark even briefly went down on me, fucked my arse. after he seemed a little distant so i went home after having a game with drazic and mark actually texted to make sure i got home ok and kept saying bye as i was leaving till i reply lol he was being kinda cute. of course now i havent heard a word from him even though i texted oh well just a another root i guess like he said casey was after i kept asking about how many times he fucked her etc... but i feel a lie in his story but what ever it really isnt important.

prince destroyed the dog bed ruth gave me :( i cant seem to buy leap pad games for drazic :(
havent spokent to mum since before xmas. damien owes me money since xmas... and im still trying to keep my self togther but since new years when mark sent me a text about kissing me my mental health has been on the decline but is just starting to improve again

oh and mark has been listening to dj riley hehe adorable!
Current Location: work
09 December 2015 @ 09:23 pm
damien just left. last few days been smoking the pipe and shooting up, im losing the plot so saw the doctor today he reackons i'll be put on anti pych meds and that when i take drugs i become pyhcotic. mark n i had a fight over the weekend so havent been dealing with it well.... i feel everyone is against me and confused about damien.

i miss my son, i just want to get better so i can do whats best for him.... fri we decorated paper xmas trees.... i wanted to write about heaps but now i feel drained... some one save me?
09 December 2015 @ 10:46 am
If you could restore one broken relationship from your past, which would it be? Why would you pick that one, and what happened that caused the relationship to deteriorate originally? What's been the best relationship you've ever had, and why was it so special?
mark or jas

i have BPD and didn;t treat them well.... i dunno i have a child with mark so guess thats why i choose him but i choose jas cause i was really happy being with her, life seemed brighter